Inside the Bus...

Trip was same route as I used to have when goin to vietnam, but this time- I'm trying local way .. goin with private taxi- cost 30 bucks @car, and there're three of us. Road was bad, bumping & jumping.. 'til we got to bavet border.

Stop by at Duty Free Shops, bought some cheap stuff, and ahead to city by local bus- cost you around 1.5 bucks. Of course, it will be far away from convenience bus.

.. no aircon, and unfortunatelly when we got there,, there's no seat left- so we're hoppin on the red "dingklik" in between passangers.

Strange people so ignorance to each other. There's this old man, sitting next to me & un-guilty put up his feet agains me. Fiuh.. what a behaviour lately-

A girl busy eating her lunch, sitting on the floor of the bus- buzzling around people keep walking in front of her, not mention some steps on each others foot.

Few teenagers keep listening to their MP3 with sound stereo all over the bus, not considering their music was quite destructive & drivin me crazy-

A man kept moving his head from left to right, from right to left with his hand waving for air to breathe .. i guess he was just carrying heavy things - cause i aint feel hot at all.

One old man kept his conversation, with others on the phone- loudly and mixed vietnamese & chinese .. shouting, laughing .. seems like he's inside his own cubical office, where people wouldn't even care what he's talking about.

What a day inside a bus-

Children of Cambodia

This is face's of children at Cambodia - most of them are born in poor condition, especially on the country side. It was so surprisingly that they have become such a burden for their family, so their parent got urgently to sell them away.
yeah, this was happen to several family- but of course, there's still part of loving family, too. Taking good care of their children & their education.

Education is much cheaper than what we've thought- but still, the economic wasn' t that good for them- hard to support the family living .. some of the children has to work, in order to get something to eat.

There's one things I haven't find the answer yet; most of the babies are not wearing pants.
Diapers? that I would know how the answer would be- cause it's expensive, but pants?
.. will back to you, once i got the answer ...

Still Wondering ..

sunshine day-
First trip of work, to visit my projects -.. waaaaa.. driving me crazy this lady .. keep asking things to be change all the time. It's just that when you're trying to help & give them the best, they never appreciate it- ....
.. havent got to other site, to take some snaps there- wait 'til i got there!

Haven't mention when i got into office, my x-bf show up & told news like i'm watching CNN9 in the morning .. also sms's, calls back on fewdays bfore .. afternoon, evening, late night or early morning .. still wondering why he still bugging around, while there's lot others for him to take care? ..

o yeah, can't wait to get today done- i wasn't feeling so good. Got stomachache in the morning, and too many gas - hmm... couldn't be cause coke yesterday night, or red wine last night? or maybe mixed both of them? ...
not yet count for tonight! yihuii..... will be allright for the long night tonight ---

Meaning of Love

If you love someone because you think that he or she is really gorgeous..

then it's not love .. it's

- Infatuation -

If you love someone because you think that you shouldn't leave him becuase

others think that you shouldn't .. then it's not love .. it's

- Compromise -

If you love someone because you have been kissed by him .. then it's not love .. it's

- Inferiority complex -

If you love someone because you cannot leave him thinking that it

would hurt his feelings .. then it's not love .. it's

- Charity -

If you love someone because you share everything with him .. then it's not love .. it's

- Friendship -

But if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when

he is stable and you cry for him .. that's ..

- Love -

If you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets .. that's ..

- Love -

If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to.. that's ..

- Love -

Lately..

wasn't it so fun? ..
after been gone for few years, and now I'm facing this new era of my life - found out that possibilities are open wide in front of me to choose- only for me!
and u never know yet ... there're more surprises coming for me, hihihihi... so much fun!

never thought these people, or all these stuff was mentioned for me, only- hihihi...
i've been laughing for these fewdays- so interesting to be a participant, a watcher of this life-

oh yeah, got some surprise coming while i was holding my saturday event- something come up so true and open, and it was bright side from all things happening to me-
fiuhh.... such a relieve, that i've been bless all this time !!

and yet, it feels good to release from bad luck-

Live where the people you love live.

Where you live has about the same influence on your personal happiness as what you do for work -- that is, much less than your personal relationships. The biggest thing you can do to create happiness in your life is to cultivate and maintain intimate, reliable relationships with people.
If you have friends you see once a week, you'll live longer. If you have friends at work, you'll like your job. If you have friends who provide emergency child care, you're likely to be a happy working parent.
Friends can change your life, if you have them. So live where your friends and loved ones live, and the other issues won't matter so much.

If you love a man, you should find a man- who love & respect his mother. It reflects how they run their relationship- long relationship.

" Hypocrite, mean, liar, dirty, and witty" are un-acceptable.

" Weekend at Soun Soben"

the place called " Soun Soben" which means Park of Heaven?? ... sort of, i think- not so sure, kinda forget within 1 days- whuahahhaa...
kinda cool, cause they set up this place with small bamboo hut- and quite cool, not hot at all (it might be also cause it's raining season) ..
yup, it was raining too when we got there - in the middle of finishing our fried chicken ala cambodian. Hiii... cool weather & i dirty my shirt!

went with some of my friends- as u seen in the pict next--

davy-seyha-navy-me-keo .. kinda girls team? not at all, cause we went together with only 1 boy.

Yeah, he wanted to be call boy, instead of man - whuahahha....

the place was surrounded with trees and some tourist animal, such as: peacok, chicken, and turkey? .. got some swan too-

here is Veng- he's the only man, ups.. boy surround us!

food was okay too ... we spend around 5 bucks for each, including the renting place, and spend more than half day there-

cool weekend, guys-

i'll see you next week!!

Heir puts 'Dracula's Castle' for sale

still remember Dracula's movies, of Bram Stroker? .. really fans lover and having bunch of money - should get this castle. Must be interesting-

wondering what would you experience inside the castle - after midnight ...

Serenity

An angel ask to God : "why u create this creature so long?"

God answer:

" this one is my favorite one. It's call women. With these two hands, they can take care many kids in the same time, they can give hug that will cure pain & sadness, they give love without condition - with only these 2 hands .."

But the angel saw there's tears on their eyes, and ask what is the purpose; ...

God answer:

" its their way to express happiness, sadness, love, loneliness and ignorance. They express their feeling with tears - either when their kids become 1st winner or when they lost their love"

More God says ..

" she got power to overcome burden more than man does ..

she keep her happiness & own opinions ..

she smiles even when her heart screaming of pain & suffers..

sing when cry, cry when happy, and even can still laugh when affraid ... "

" they sacrifice theirself for people they love, they care -

they stand for un-justice, not refuse to see what's better -

they give their life for their family, her love is unconditional ..."

" Women knows that kiss & hug can cure the pain "

One thing that make women less is ...

- they forgot how priceless they are -

True Story between Me & Chanrith

it was started in beautifull day when i still enjoying my free time at home. wearing short and t-shirt, still with my long hair plus purple glasses-
when guests come to offer insurance policy to me (hello? insurance policy? what would i know about it?) .. anyway, i listen to him & wondering "what on earth, he used a bottle of perfume today? .. smells like he's taking shower with it" ...

then that's all about it, 'til we end up with first date- second date- and finally we live together.

we rent a house, we fill in all furnitures, and even talked about getting married- for next year. After 2 times cancelation, for our schedule to busy with works.
I've bring up all stuff that matters from indonesia, to create different wedding party than others- to give special memories to ours.

we went to some countries together, i even introduce him to all my families members- in indonesia ... we have so much fun together, sadness and happiness .. yes, we do fight sometimes- but we end up in 5 minutes n get better each day.

until the day when i was working overseas (i'll finish my overseas term, n heading back home for last time - in regards of wedding's plan) and he told me that he fall in love with his x- girl friend from 5 years ago ..

so it was started even 1 month bfore my coming back- and he kept doing it.
he supposed to protect our relationship, n let it flow more - but he just not the strong person & not the right person...
my heart was left only pieces when i heard he say he love this girl, and he doesnt love me- only pity .. it was so rude, for someone who used to say that he missed me so much when i was gone, that he wants to hug me whenever we're together .. it's so hurt & too much pain

2 years relationship compare to 5 years ago x- girlfriend seems no meaning to him, at all ..
he kept doing this and no guilty feeling at all - ...
is he having mental problem? is he the person i know so far? is this chanrith i know? ( his name is chanrith - you can see him on my blog bfore "my biggest love" ) ...
it wasnt like him .. even until today-

it's like 2 different person, in morning time and night time-
no, doesnt mean about having sex ... it just different! He can come back home and talk to me nicely - acting like he cares a lot about me, even sometimes help me when i'm sick.
But when morning come, he act like a stranger ... he's affraid to see me, and near me.
All things he's been saying also not stable - one minute he can say he will, other minute he can say he will not ....

how would a person change so fast, like that? ... was it common?
people said it might happen when someone get heavy burden, which triggers to madness-
i think he will ...

what i dont understand, he start acting like a child ... playing with his new toys, and forget old ones- It's not like chanrith, i knew all these time (or maybe i never know him ...)
i shouldn't regret what's happening to me now .. its all part of my journey in the world-

it was one day, i regret .. really ... when i decided to end my life- on sunday afternoon ..
i felt so lost and lonelly - i give everything for this relationship, hoping that this will bring me happiness and family ... i was wrong, totally wrong n couldnt take what's happening to me now ...
it was such a big decision, when i think about it-
i cried, i mourn .. but something hold me on ... (if not, i wouldn't be here right now..)

my friend told me that there's nothing in this world, allowed me to take my own life-
i can risk my life only for my mom, but not for someone else, even my husband....
think about it- and it's true! ...that's how i decide to start my life again ..

we've discussed open about me goin back to indonesia (this is also from his will - such a rude person) .. and i've ask his help with compensation of my life so far, that he ruined just in 5 seconds ...
( i couldnt back now, no job waiting for me, and i couldnt back starting my life with nothing)

hard and lonely and sometimes i still cry .. struggle to find what my meaning & purpose of my life ... i couldn't run away, i need to face it - i still have my pride & confidence & skills .. and i will use it to proof that i can live!

he used to tell me that he's happy to live with me, until my time to go - it's just part of his games .. he wants both & i become his spare part.
why would he needs me? ...
he never home, each time back home it's always after 12 midnight and morning time, he act strange between us & sometimes also creating more question - rejection - blaming - accusement.
he refused to be guilty for what he has done (typicall of him) .....
couldnt see what the use of introducing me, still as his girlfriend when he met up with his friends ... if our relationship doesn't base on love anymore ...

-all words he said against each others- this what i really dont understand, something has happening inside him, noone knows what it is - maybe its his psychological issue-

he said he will not married this girl, when he break up he will not go out n introduce her as his gf to everybody, he doesnt want to kiss her, he even affraid to make love with her-
" what kind of nonsense is he trying to tell me about? "
i dont care what he's doing with her, or with some other girl after we finish- what's happening with him? ...

he kept telling me that one day, when he recover (from what??) he'll come back and find me, and when he finally find me - he'll ask to me to marry him ... cause i'm his best gf!
it's such a non-sense .. when i walk away, there'll be few more girls coming in & out, and he won't even remember me. How could he say things like this?
he wants to push and pull me at the same time ... Love-Hated Relationship ...

there was so many things, i want to share - but not possible, cause it will finish the whole page of my blog (n shouldn't be..) ..
i want all my friends to know what's happening , what really happening ... not only bluffing from him, to save his face & his pride ...
this is what's happening!

once u start this conversation, he will start by saying that i'm not a good gf - cause always bring troubles, and never show happy face while he's around with his friend (note: it was always more on drinking n drunk, and always about him ..)

how would u get ur family with a husband, spend most of night outside with bars - and easy to grab any girl, just for joking? .. when beer is like a water for him? .. when house is only a place for sleep? .. when cars and new cellphone is first priority rather than house? .. when working on sunday was more important than spending quality time with family? ..

all this time, i keep myself survive- and wishing there'll be changes on our life together- for our happiness, for our family, for our future...
i was wrong .. all he cares about is only himself ..
for 2 years, i've been blind of love ... i love him more than i suppose to be-

even many times, my mind still back to him - longing to have his hug and careness ...
still i would remind myself of how many times he's been lying to me, how long has he been using me, how cruel his feeling cheating on me, hatred words he used to say to me- ...
even i still want us to be back normal ...
.... to share sadness & happines, like before - like he used to say to me ...