My mother curb me *unconsiously

Your bad experience is the mystery behind what's happening today. A bad divorce, making me unfettered. Each decision I made, must go through small fights, as always. Not all men are bad, and yes, I'll never know if this relationship will lead to a divorce or instead of happy ending. We will never know until we try it What basis makes me try? For the whole 1 year, gives me all the things to see, to feel, giving me courage & proof, I want to go through my life with this person, my choice. He was not as rich as mama wanted indeed he isn't as fashionable mama always expect and indeed he is not perfect but we can both go hand in hand and this is what I want from my relationship How long you have to shut down, close your heart with all the wounds that should heal, if you would let it cure. It's never been easy with this condition, and I can't choose between you two. Both of you are my life. Open your heart,mama.

You Got to check this one out! Wat Rong Khun yang sering juga disebut Kuil Putih atau White Temple. Kuil ini sudah menjadi ikon wisata Thailand utara dan menjadi objek wisata yang wajib dikunjungi. Dikelilingi dengan keseluruhan bangunan warna putih, plus pernak pernik pecahan2 kaca - so pasti bakalan berkilauan pas terkena sinar matahari - menambah kesan 'glamour, mistis, etc' dari kuil ini. Excellent & Brilliant! Proyek idealis seorang seniman terkenal Thailand bernama Chalermchai Kositpipat. Ia berambisi membuat mahakarya arsitektur yang bisa dikenang sepanjang masa. Pembangunan Wat Rong Khun sudah dimulai sejak 1997, tapi menurut sang pendiri, proyeknya baru akan selesai sekitar tahun 2070, alias 60 tahun lagi! Gambar diatas adalah salah satu keganjilan Wat Rong Khun di bangunan utama. Ratusan patung tangan menjulur yang beberapa diantaranya digambarkan memegang tengkorak dan periuk sedekah. Konon, patung-patung tangan ini melambangkan orang-orang yang berusaha lari dari neraka. Hiiii.... serem jugaaa...

My E.G.O

kenapa aku engga terlahir berlimpahan harta, jadi aku engga perlu bingung menyisihkan uang entah darimana, untuk beli keperluan ku. kenapa rumahku engga full AC supaya hari2 panas ini tidak menyiksaku.. kenapa aku naik motor, bukannya naik mobil biar tiap pagi engga kena debu, kehujanan tidak harus berhenti di pinggir jalan, engga keringetan setiap kali panas menyerang.. kenapa aku belum boleh pelihara anjing aku sayang mereka, aku suka mereka mereka gak pernah ngeluh setiap kali ketemu, mereka gembira, ngajak maen tiap kali kenapa bukan aku pemilik suatu perusahaan? jadi tiap pagi tidak perlu susah payah bangun untuk kejar jam masuk kenapa aku gendut seandainya langsing, akan lebih mudah untuk menarik perhatian orang & tidak susah2 cari baju yang pas di badan seandainya susah gendut *tetap langsing, akan lebih menyenangkan untuk bisa nyobain makanan apa aja tanpa takut gendut kenapa sih aku gak tinggi langsing jadi aku bisa bebas pakai flat shoes sesukaku, engga perlu sediain high heels untuk penunjang penampilanku kenapa aku suka menggerutu?

J.E.N.U.H

Aku marah. Ya, aku marah. kenapa hal yang aku inginkan, tidak bisa aku dapatkan? kenapa kamu engga bisa kasih apa yang aku mau? aku marah, kenapa aku bisa marah seperti ini. Aku sedih. Ya, aku sedih. kenapa otakku bisa berpikir seperti ini kenapa engga aku jadi manusia yang bisa bersyukur saja, ketimbang merepotkan orang seperti ini kenapa aku harus meragukan kamu Aku tersiksa. Ya, aku sangat tersiksa dengan semua yang sekarang terjadi dengan semua perasaaan yang aku alami sekarang ini melihat sekelilingku dengan penuh iri. Ya, aku tersiksa.

Aku ingin lari. Ya, lari. Lari sejauh mungkin. tapi lari pun tidak akan mengurangi permasalahan yang ada hanya menambah Aku butuh waktu. Ya. Waktu untuk diriku sendiri. supaya aku bisa berpikir jernih berpikir sendiri, tanpa dipengaruhi siapapun, apapun Ya, aku butuh sendiri.

Aku menangis. Ya, aku butuh untuk menangis. hatiku capek. tenaga ku terasa 'menguap' aku tak berdaya dengan keadaanku ini Aku hanya ingin tahu, kenapa aku ini? apa yang bisa aku lakukan untuk sembuhkan 'rasa sakit'ku ini.

Rotten Attitude

Blog tempatnya berbagi curhat,kan? so..sekarang ini saya mau sedikit berbagi kisah - yang saya alami sendiri Mungkin kali ini sering saya alami, sesuatu yang sebetulnya jarang saya temui selama 30tahun saya hidup sampai sekarang- Well, bermula dari hari pertama saya ketemu dengan dia- orangnya ramah, menjelaskan segala sesuatu dengan baik, tenang. Pokoknya menyenangkan deh! Entah kena tempel apa, ternyata pembawaan sikap yang saya bilang tadi, hanya ada di beberapa bulan perkenalan saya dengan dia. Suatu hari, ditengah pembicaraan yang biasa-biasa saja. Ada yang tersirat membicarakan sindiran akan dirinya. Well, I think it's normal. Engga semua orang akan selalu mencintaimu, kan?! But then, it's NOT normal at all-

Terkadang, seperti yang tadi dibilang 'entah kena tempel apa- suasana bisa tiba2 memanas, suara meninggi dan sumpah serapah 'muntah keluar tanpa babibu- plus semua orang sekitar terkena dampaknya. ada banyak saat, dimana sasarannya adalah saya sendiri. tanpa adanya kesalahan, jadi malah ditambahkan sesuatu yang terlihat / membuat saya adalah salah. pusing? yah, begitulah. yang tidak ada, dibuat menjadi ada- padahal hal itu engga penting banget! (*apa ciri2 seseorang untuk gangguan jiwa?) Sering juga, identifikasi 'cari muka' tebal muka' sok jaim ' udah melekat banget ama dia. Pasang tampang 'sok innocent' pun sudah tidak bisa menutupi aib & kebusukannya. Kok bisa? *entahlah .. latar belakang, pendidikan memang berpengaruh - once you experience with this kind of person

Lady Spy

Akhirnya...

akhirnya ketaoan juga, siapa yang suka 'spying' @office. Bah! cari muka banget- akan masih banyak 'kejutan' dalam hidup ini, yang akan selalu terjadi di tiap harinya, tiap detiknya .. that's why life is so full of surprise! spy = pura2 = cari muka

Weekend

Maonya weekend tenang .. berasa kaya duduk di kursi malas, menghadap ke kebun belakang, hamparan rumput yang hijau plus ditemenin ama novel (at least bacaan yang ringan n engga bikin ngantuk) plus secangkir teh anget! Rasanya ada yang kelewatan ya. O iya, camilan. Tapi berhubung saya lagi diet, terpaksa item tersebut harus dihilangkan. Yang ada di depan mata sekarang, berbeda jauh dari apa yang saya inginkan tadinya.

Daftar pekerjaan rumah makin menimbun, gara-gara seminggu ini 'full booked' dengan kerjaan kantor. *sigh ;(

Miserable Look? Hot Look? Happy Face?

People might always think "what would this person look like?" Hmm...

My look isn't always 'nice - I mean in terms of smile, happy face. Personally, I'm an easy going person (as people used to say to me), but when things get rough, I tend to looked like 'missplace person in other world'

Miserable, yes. Hopeless, no. Hahahaha...

Full of Excitement

Today, so full of surprise!

Beginning of the day with 'mistake for not preparing my mom's lunch, .. for I was so in hurry (late wake up). Quick homemade fried eggs (ha3x) & sweet sauce, for her.

Arrived at office, got served with 'to do list I made myself, on the day before- which lots and lots of lists.. *fiuhhh..
During the work time, got buzz up for so many interviewing- phone calls need to made, sudden appointment, un.expected person, *gosh- .. and other things comes up in the middle of everything.

End of the day, got rush for so many things to finish before the sun 'touch down' .. and voala, still it won't be done.
Top up with my 'pick up comes so late- for me, waiting in front of the gate- surrounded in darkness of the night.
Good, got my friends willing to accompany me (even though I think they pretty much wanna go home fast).. thanks, guys!

*deep exhales ...
now, i'm here- in front of my lappie ;)
sharing what just happen today - n ready for my bedtime.

Good night, everybody!

Dasar "sycophant"

Mo dibilang "sycophant" ato "wriggler" ato "coax"?
.. mungkin pada bingung artinya yaks?! ..

How about "flatterer" or "bootlicker"? pasti tau donk artinya. :)

well, aku rasa pasti ada di tiap lingkungan kita berada. Or maybe you're one of them?

Klo iya, sadar donk- dunia elo mau dikemanain? Dengan tiap hari membuat 'musuh' dan merasa seperti 'pahlawan'?! what for?
Engga ada untungya di akhirat- malah bikin celaka, loh! Beware!

Klo kamu salah satu korbannya, hmm... be 'cuek is the best' ..
jangan senggol gw, klo elo mao selamat - gitu aja deh.
bakalan buang energi untuk ngurusin orang yang engga ada gunanya, engga pentinggg!!!

Hehehehe...
Have a good day,all!
Cheers!

*- boss

Pernahkah secara tiba2 bos-mu bertingkah laku gila? ... mm, inilah yang terjadi sekarang ini. Entah sejak kapan, kita bisa jadi 'sensitif' bisa jadi 'teman curhat' .. wah, membingungkan super duper!

Dalam 1menit ... mungkin hitungan detik 'malah, bisa 180 derajat berubah. "so much for out of what you can imagine-"
Pengaruh lingkungan? pengaruh usia? pengaruh cuaca? pengaruh teman? pengaruh keluarga? atau memang tabiat super buruk?

Why I bring up this issue?
..karena become irritating, ouch..

Aku datang ke kantor, sepenuh hati- walaupun ada perasaan was-was 'hari ini kena marah ga ya? hari ini kurang apa ya? ' ... ini kan jelas2 engga' normal lagi.
Trus udah gitu, bisa aja pagi2 datang dengan sambutan 'met pagi .. tapi bisa jadi 2menit kemudian tergopoh2 datang (sambil kuping masih nempel di hp) teriak2 'kenapa ini .. kenapa itu ..'
Nah loh, do you think this is normal? is this just how it suppose to be? or is this just my feeling for it's not normal?

Serba salahhh!!!
My senior used to say 'ignore it- n better not to be like it- beware n safe urself' ..
Hmm...

Why not choose the peace way-
solve things in good way, no need to shout, to be angry, to have anger

"Lebih Baik Tidak Kerja Daripada Kerja Jelek"

~ hmm....
Bagaimana seharusnya menyingkapi ini? kalimat ini? kata2 ini?

Haruskah ditanggapi secara negatif atau positif? ..
Arti sebenarnya? .. ataukah hanya emosi marah2 doank?

Iya, ini kata2 dari si bos besar- yang lagi "emosi" .. wah, benernya engga jelas juga si 'emosi terpendam' atau 'berkepanjangan' ..

Tapi kok sering banget yah, denger kata2 menyakitkan = menyinggung = menusuk seperti ini.
Kebiasaan? wah, gawat juga ..
Otority show off? hmm, mungkin yang dikatakan 'temen'ku bener juga ..
klo memang iya, berarti caranya salah-
" you say, we respect "
" you spank, we neglect "

Premenstrual syndrome

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS)or also called PMT (Premenstrual tension) --> collection of physical + emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle.
Most women of child-bearing age (up to 85%) report having experienced physical symptoms related to normal ovulatory function, such as bloating or breast tenderness.

Medical definitions of PMS are limited to a consistent pattern of emotional and physical symptoms occurring only during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle that are of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life".
In particular, emotional symptoms must be present consistently to diagnose PMS.
The specific emotional and physical symptoms attributable to PMS vary from woman to woman, but each individual woman's pattern of symptoms is predictable, occurs consistently during the fourteen days prior to menses, and vanishes either shortly before or shortly after the start of menstrual flow.

Only a small percentage of women (2 to 5%) have significant premenstrual symptoms that are separate from the normal discomfort associated with menstruation in healthy women.

Culturally, the abbreviation PMS is widely understood in English-speaking countries to refer to difficulties associated with menses, and the abbreviation is used frequently even in casual and colloquial settings, without regard to medical rigor. In these contexts, the syndrome is rarely referred to without abbreviation, and the connotations of the reference are frequently more broad than the clinical definition.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a more severe condition, positioned as a psychiatric disorder similar to unipolar depression.

Upset (..really..)

Do you know how many people will always complains in their life?
I think all will do same things, too .. when things doesn't go like what they want.

But how many people will always naggging and complains to others for their own mistake and blaming on others?
Well ... after typing this questions- just realize, maybe lots of people do this too-

Maybe you (who blame on others) can look at yourself better, next time - there's always next time - ...
It was so not cool, for repeating things you said, then you forgot and comes up you're blaming on others for things you did wrong.

Feels like shit" ...
for being blame~

well, so as you know ...

ketika ku lihat kau bersama dia
tak ada penyesalan dalam hidupku
dan apa yang ku rasakan saat ini
seperti dahulu ku tak mengenalmu

ketika ku lihat kau bersama dia
tak ada lagi hasrat dalam hidupku
kepada dirimu yang dulu tercinta
tak ada lagi kenangan, takkan lagi harapan

everybody knew you’re a liar
everybody knew you’re a player
everybody knew you’re never serious
risk your love at me
and i tell you once again baby

everybody knew you’re a liar
everybody knew you’re a player
everybody knew you’re never serious
risk your love at me

Berbeda / Different

Indonesian version.

mungkin bagimu ku slalu salah
di hadapmu ku tak pernah benar
ku tak bisa menjadi pendamai di dalam jiwamu

ku lelah hadapi semua
ku ingin kau mengerti

kini ku sadar cinta tak bisa
di jalani dengan perbedaan
ku akui ku masih mencintamu dan inginkanmu
kan ku coba jalani hidup tanpamu
di atas pedih yang akan kurasakan
kan kulintasi hidup tanpa dirimu
ku akan pergi menjauh
karna kita memang berbeda

ku lelah hadapi semua
ku ingin kau mengerti
ku tau kita tak mungkin menyatu
ku mau kau mengerti

English version.

for you, i never true, never right
I can not be a peacemaker in your soul

I tired to face it all
I want you to understand

now, I realize love can not live with differences
I admit I still want you, still love you
I'll try to live without you
above all pain I feel
to not live without you
I will go away
because we are different

I tired to face all
I want you to understand
I know we can not together
I want you to understand

Easter Celebration!

That night, for the first time I'm attending Easter celebrations at the church.
It was so much more then I've expected - it was much, much merrier than my usual church. They played the bells and music in different tunes- different songs and different spirits! (almost break down n cried, for His Mighty shown me a lot)
.. still at that time, I miss being around in Christian church-

It was my baptized moment. Night of the night, where I've been shown so many 'signs'..
You might think that it's just a 'bluff' .. but for what i experienced- yes, God is here, God is listening to my pray and He helped me out.
Thank you, God~

They said being baptized means that you re.gain your life, new life.
I do wish and I do feel that way -
past will be my past, and I'm sure that He won't leave me- as I used to 'leave Him so often.

Many times, I 'denied His presence, His help - feels that I haven't been guide good enough and not being 'gifted for what I asked.
Now, He showed me all - what I've asked was not right, was not good for me.
and now, in this Easter - i will need to re.gain everything back - from scratch .. and re.start everything with good's one.

Easter Spirit

On Easter Sunday, Christians celebrate the resurrection of the Lord, Jesus Christ.
It is typically the most well-attended Sunday service of the year for Christian churches.

Christians believe, according to Scripture, that Jesus came back to life, or was raised from the dead, three days after his death on the cross. As part of the Easter season, the death of Jesus Christ by crucifixion is commemorated on Good Friday, always the Friday just before Easter. Through his death, burial, and resurrection, Jesus paid the penalty for sin, thus purchasing for all who believe in him, eternal life in Christ Jesus.

So, what's your plan on this Easter Celebration?
Having recognition what you've done during this year?
Having re.coup with the whole family and your love ones?
Having Easter Bunny celebration with kids?

Share your ideas with me!

(while me? .. i'm hoping for happy ending for rest of my life)

why? how come?

how come our feelings can mixed up like this?

by the time, you're in love with someone- and on the same time, you hate for what he has done to you , but still you miss that person ...

don't they said love isn't hurt?
don't they said love don't give tears?

then, why?

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."